The Cleanest Shower in Portland

Like I promised, here are some pictures:

Picture 1: Ben has become quite the handy man. Tool man. Tim Taylor, perhaps? So far he has: Constructed my book shelf, put together my bed frame, set up my tv/dvd/wii, screwed in my elephant door hanger, hung up my dream catcher, cleaned up my computer's hard drive, and will be hanging up my curtains as soon as I purchase screws. All of that and I haven't had to pay a dime! Also, Tinga enjoys harassing him while he's hard at work. She likes him feeling subservient.

Picture 2: My bed. Mom and I bought this bed in Janzen Beach. There were three mattress stores side by side in the strip mall. It made it almost too easy to negotiate cheaper terms with additional bonuses thrown in. For example: bed frame, free (a savings of $75.00). Another example: "Well, I think we're going to check out the competition." "Wait,I'll knock $100 off the price." I bought a burnt orange bed spread, mostly because it's Melinda's favorite color. Also because it reminds me of Rockwall (however, I will not paint yellowjackets on the wall). I haven't really gotten around to decorating my wall, so that side looks a little bare. So maybe I should paint yellowjackets.

Picture 3: The more cluttered side of my room. Featuring: Vintage store dresser, picture of my parents from the 80s, fake flowers, Shy Man Lamp (Aaron, he is finally! in an acceptable spot), the "little bitty" TV, Tinga's food bowl, and my Ikea bookshelf.

Picture 4: Melinda gave me this for Christmas. In one gift she managed to combine two of my favorite things: elephants and coats. With my limited travel space, most of my coats were packed away and are currently resting in my grandparent's trailer. The coats pictured made the cut, obviously. However, one coat is missing. Mr. Pea Coat. And why?? Well, because while I was in the process of unpacking, that coat was more than likely laying on the ground. And Tinga, I'm assuming out of spite, decided it was better than her litter box and urinated on it. The cleaners on Killingsworth have temporary possession.

Pictures 5 and 6:
My kitchen and living room. Everything you see in both rooms does not belong to me (besides one magnet on the fridge and a tea strainer sitting on the kitchen counter). I also spend very little time in either room. For most of my cooking needs I use Ben's kitchen. His roommates help eat my food and they have a working oven. Not to mention better cooking utensils and more space. The living room is usually only inhabited in the evenings to watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Shimeon, I think I've been spelling his name 'Shemeon' this whole time) or playing video games (Adam). There is a fire place and a couple of times one of the boys will put some logs in and start a fire. That's nice.

Pictures 7 and 8:
Before & After pictures of my shower. Before- This was quite possibly the grossest shower in all of Portland. As you can see, Bentley enjoyed the use of the shower as well. Basically, I did not shower. I would be smelly and gross or quick clean myself using my bathroom sink. In dire situations, I would stand in a 6x6 inch space and not move. If by some unfortunate chance I lost my balance, I would rub the designated skin area raw. After- This shower is now quite possibly the cleanest in all of Portland. This is the product of: Clorox wipes, Comet, rubber gloves, and a little grease behind the elbow cleaning. Please, tell me you're impressed.

Picture 9:
Adam and Bentley. Roommate and dog (respectively). Adam is 22 and Bentley is 5. Adam likes to skateboard and Bentley likes to sleep on the couch. Adam calls Tinga a "sleep harasser" and Bentley calls her "bark" (I can't decipher what that exactly means). Adam is pretty cool and Bentley is too. Adam is not better than my old roommate, Erin. Bentley is way better than my old roommate's cat, Izzy.

The Yanks are Coming!!

Q. How was the mix party?
A. I started the evening off with cold sweats and Pizza A-Go-Go with Ben. After our dinner we went to Bryan and Lizzy's where I sat nervously on the couch and clung to her Chiwawa who also seemed a little rattled by the number of new bodies sharing her house. After about ten minutes I took my coat off and found myself smiling and eating the most delicious peanut butter sandwich. Seriously, ever. Papa bear, you need to eat these. I promise they would be quite palatable and would never give you nightmares. So, basically for the evening the group of us listened to the mixes on random and danced and mingled. A coffee and word puzzles date was planned, along with an Alfred Hitchcock starring Cary Grant movie night.
My first Portland outing rated: Success.

Q. Did you really laugh at Ben's roommate Saturday night?
A. Yes, yes I did. But in a good way! Let me explain. And may I say, at least I wasn't laughing at his outfit like a certain someone (BEN, ahem) did to me earlier that day. Saturday was spent watching tv shows and playing video games, followed by my attempt at being domestic and baking chicken and ending with me in a comedy club drinking a fruity cocktail and laughing at Tynan (Ben's roommate) who was on stage doing improvisation. After having a good chortle we went out to a dive bar that looked like a boat's library. There were old, musky smelling books on the shelves and a collection of boat themed bibelots scattered around. The bartender wore a captain's hat.

Q. How do you feel about the movie The Professional?
A. I had roommate bonding night which was dinner and a movie. The dinner: Adam's job. The movie: My job. Getting free food & entertainment: Shemeon's job. Adam made this cracker breaded chicken with muenster cheese. It could have been good if it was tweaked in just two ways:
1. Change that dark meat chicken to white. Perhaps a breast?
2. Provolone I hear is a much tastier cheese than Muenster.
Ungrateful? Probably, but really dinner was awful. Not only was I unsure if the meat was cooked (my skepticism was caused by the fact that our oven is not in tip-top shape. Meaning that fully thawed chicken, cooking on 500 degrees took 1.5 hours to bake), but really the meal was a combination of two foods I can't quite stomach--muenster cheese and dark meat. So, I took the advice of all six year olds: played with my food hoping that this rouge of cutting and scraping gave the appearance I was in fact eating. And for the movie you can't really go wrong with a 14 year old Natalie Portman and blood & guts.

Q. I hear you can find fairly inexpensive plane tickets from DFW to PDX. Is that true?
A. MELINDA IS COMING! MELINDA IS COMING!! Did you guys get that: MELINDA IS COMING! Soon, March 6-13, my bf will be visiting me on her less than pocket-breaking plane ticket, non-stop flight! I'm squealing and planning activities.

Pictures of my house/room/mates/pets soon. I promise.

Louis, I Think This Is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

I'm attending a mix party tonight; the Sad Bastards Mix Tape Party. Right now I feel like Rob from High Fidelity. I would also like to add that this will be my first initiation into Portland. I mean, my first time to be around other people. And I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified. Seriously, the prospect of making friends seems so tiring and I'm slightly out of practice. I feel like I'm going to act like a buffoon and come off too "be my friend, be my friend, BE MY FRIEND." And I'm kind of picturing myself as a homeless lady with a can asking for pennies. Same thing, right? Friends, pennies. Perhaps I could offer a penny for my friendship. Maybe a quarter, I'm not that cheap.

Today I had a group interview with Campuspoint which is an organization that helps current students and recent graduates find jobs. No, they are not a temp agency or a head hunter. Yes, they do charge, but the company. I was smart, and just for you papa bear I read all the documents thoroughly. So, at noon today I was upstairs, sitting in a chair wearing a skirt and a bow (and sad to say, fishnets---dad, you did not stop that clothing blunder early enough) and rambling. Yes, yes it was awful. I'm almost positive on my resume in large red lettering are the words DO NOT HIRE. And for empahtics sake, there was probably some exclamation points and underlines. Explanation? Well, two of my responses seem to stick out. The first, when asked the question what are characteristics I look for in a boss? I decided it was appropriate to reply, "One that wants to hire me and finds me desirable." I'm only thankful I stopped there and did not feel it necessary to elaborate on the word 'desirable' and the connotations it couple imply. Second mistake: Question, "If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?" My response, "Well, I think I would like to own a book store. Probably used. But maybe sell new books as well"......there was something about debating the perks of making it corporate.....and then, "Oh, wait. Maybe I would like to be an author." I also felt it important they know I was not interested in writing at a newspaper because newsprint was dying. Thank you internet. Sighhhh. I don't even think you could call that charming. I think I need interviewing practice.

Last night Ben took me on a Casablanca date. We went to the Living Room Theater in downtown Portland and watched Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman on the big screen while eating popcorn. I think I'm in love with that movie. And maybe Humphrey Bogart.

I'm homesick.

Shazam! Shazam!!

Where has my dedication gone?

For starters: I made it to Portland.
The in between: Mom and I stopped off to take a self-guided tour of the Tree Mysteries, home to Paul Bunyan. Yes, the flannel wearing man with the ax. While there, we saw the world's largest tree, the elephant tree, the trinity tree and of course the chapel tree, all of which belonged to the Red Wood family. Mom was not thrilled about taking a gondola ride, but alas my pretty face convinced her (that, and she didn't want to miss out on any sites...so maybe it had nothing to do with my face). The view from the top was remarkable, just rows and rows of trees. It reminded me of Homeward Bound and I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Chance or Sassy. This was our last stop on our trip to Portland.

Portland, the basics: My house is brown and I'm living with two boys. One is a skateboarder (Adam) who is currently trying out Nike prototypes and is getting paid in Nike products (I'm really hoping to get a new pair of sneakers out of this living arrangement). My other roommate, well, he isn't home much so I'm not sure what he's like. I do know that his name is Shemeon, which makes me think of my old dog Finian and Ben the word Shazam. My room is stuffed like a potato with all my possessions and furniture. While mom was in town we became Portland vintage connoisseurs. We snatched a dresser up for cheap, cheap and got a great deal on my bed. Ikea supplied a wooden bookshelf and a red trashcan. Now, about that cat of mine. Tinga spent the first couple of days hiding in my closet, but she's gotten a little more adventurous. She's still hasn't made up her mind on Bentley. Now who is Bentley? The Beagle. Who also really enjoys laying on my bed. So, Tinga just stares at him with her snake eyes; I think trying hypnosis on him. Her goal is clearly to turn Bentley into her slave. Soon I'm going to find Tinga riding on the back of Bentley and using his droopy ears as pillows.

Mom in Portland: Mom is a lifesaver and assisted/navigated/and basically helped me obtain everything I need to live (except a job, but she can't do everything!). We tried out different restaurants: Gravy, Old Town Pizza, Tin Shed and Jake's. Basically for three days all I ate was pizza or mac&cheese. A healthy, eight-year old's diet if you ask me. And if you're wondering, Jake's was decided to have the first place, gold medal winning macaroni. We traversed all of Portland, no hyperbole. I don't think there is a street that we did not drive on. We also opted for an aerial view of the city and took a ride in a glass bubble which turned out to be a form of mass transit and not a tourist attraction. The view was great though. We went and saw Valentines Day at Cinetopia in Vancouver where we ate pizza, yes more. And sad to say, this movie theater pizza was good. Like, better than most take-out pizza good. Dominos, you would have some sharp competition if this place delivered. Also, for all those out there who have a lovely lady and need a good date movie: Valentines Day! What other movie has 18 big name actors and mixes chick flick with wit? Hmmm?? Mom and I gave the movie four thumbs up plus two big smiles (the smiles might have been at Ashton Kutcher though). After the movie mom and I played beauty parlor and Mah Jongg. Finally, finally I beat her. All it took was the distraction of having hair dye on her roots and playing late at night where she yawned between every play. Who cares though, I was finally victorious!

Valentines Day (not the movie): Ben and I decided to celebrate by getting a joint gift, the PS3! We went to Gamestop and got a used console, a red controller and four games (for those curious: LBP, RE5, Uncharted 2, and Call of Duty). And needless to say, we have spent the better part of the past weekend playing non-stop video games. On Sunday, Ben surprised me by telling me he got reservations at Lapellah. We dressed up pretty: I wore pearls and makeup and he wore a sweater vest. At the restaurant he ordered a steak and I got...MAC&CHEESE. The most romantic food if you ask me.

Up-to-Date: I will be more diligent on updating. As for today, I have mostly been unpacking and doing laundry. Ben needs a tool belt because I'm forcing him to by my handyman.

Red Lobsters is in my future: take that parents, you're not the only people who get cheddar biscuits and coleslaw!

Can You Cross Off Everything On Your To-Do List?

Check list:
1. Drove across the Golden Gate Bridge
2. Quarantine Tinga due to the noxious (gaseous) aroma that follows her. Perhaps buy her a new kind of food?
3. Experience driving the steep hills of San Francisco. Including the risk of rolling backwards down hill with mom tense and gripping the door.
4. Find the Red Woods. Um, do they look like Pine Trees?
5. Drive through a really old Red Wood tree. Preferably one that is around 2, 400 years old and named Chandelier, which in my opinion sounds like a girl you would meet on Harry Hines wearing fishnets and big heels.
6. Eat at a tiki bar and grill where a giant spider hovers over your head and a chili pepper hangs from the ceiling in the shape of Italy.
7. Beat mom at Mah Jongg, and if that fails play Scattergories.
8. Pajamas and sleep.

My Name Is John Johnson But Everyone Here Calls Me Vicki

I hurt. Really. Really. Bad. Every muscle is numb and mad. The reason:

February 7
7:30 am: Woke up, yawned
8:00 am: More La Quinta breakfast.
9:00 am: Pier 33, coffee
10:00 am- 1:30 pm: Toured Alcatraz, once maximum security prison and location of movies such as The Rock, Escape From Alcatraz and So I Married An Axe Murderer. Since Alcatraz is located 1.4 miles off the coast of San Francisco, we took a ferry (swimming was not advisable).

"You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else that you get is a privilege."

We listened to stories about the different escape attempts/"successes" by a park ranger. My favorite was John K. Giles, who managed to conjure up the complete outfit of an army sergeant and board a boat. This man never even got his feet wet. He just saluted and hopped on board...only to land on Angel Island (the boat was not headed for San Francisco) and be greeted by handcuffs. Sir, that was just not your day. Or the right boat.

1:30 pm- 2:15 pm: Ate THE BEST grilled cheese sandwich at Pier 39. I know what you're thinking, how can you be on a pier and not eat seafood?!? Well, the answer is simple, seafood is disgusting and sourdough grilled cheese is delicious. I do not regret my choice in food...mom may though.

2:15 pm- 5:00 pm: Walked around pier 39 and shopped. There were all these tourist and kitschy shops like the sock and magnet stores. And, our favorite, the hat store! Mom and I spent fifteen minutes trying on different crazy hats and making monster noises. RAWWRRRR! I found my dream earrings (Ben, Valentines Day gift?? I don't think it would be asking too much to request you to fork over $600.00. They're pretty and dangle!) and mom opted to buy herself a charm instead. Selfish, huh? We also rode on a carousel like we were six and I sang Mary Poppins to myself.

5:00 pm- 7:00 pm: Walked around Fisherman's Wharf and saw some pretty non-impressive Sea Lions. They have nothing on Elephant Seals. We also walked over to Ghirardelli Square and bought cupcakes.

7:00 pm- : Complete and utter exhaustion. Did you notice a pattern in our day? Sight seeing, sight seeing, standing, walking, not a lot of sitting. Mom wore me out.



February 8
We missed the continental breakfast, so instead we ate cupcakes. The breakfast of champions! Mom and I went back and forth: stay or not? We needed a flower. But, in the end, we realized that this decision was rather obvious. Duhhhh, of course we're staying another day in San Francisco!

We hopped on and hopped off the tour bus all day. First stop: Coit Tower for a panoramic shot of San Francisco and the pleasurable hike up. After this scenic picture, mom and I are now done with hills, mini-mountains. The both of us have no skill in reading maps (thankfully neither of us felt a calling for cartography) and ended up getting scrambled in which direction to walk in. So, we tried them all out. Finally, after walking circles we realized we weren't men and asked for directions. The finger was pointed, and we followed it. Up. And. Up. And. Up. Seriously, Aaron, this was almost as bad as our Cinque Terre stair master hike. At one point I was sure the tower was moving back just to be cruel. I shed layers of clothing and sweat drops were forming on my brow. Oh, but we made it! Now, was it worth it?

Second stop: China Town for a chance to buy tacky crap (I did) and visit the Fortune Cookie Factory. After catching a glimpse of where the majority of America's fortune cookies are made, mom and I have decided we might not eat them anymore. Pigeons flew in and out of the building and I paid 50 cents to pose with a lady who was making fortune cookies (and did not stop while she was being photographed). Now, I wonder, what would the reaction be if I happened to sneeze? My guess, the cookies would be packaged and sent to greasy Chinese restaurants around the nation.

Third stop: Golden Gate Bridge and photo opportunities. Mom and I posed and then started walking across the red bridge. Perhaps we did more of a slight walk. Or maybe just a few steps in. It was cold and raining.

I had the song "There She Goes" stuck in my head all day. Thank you Mike Myers and his axe murdering wife. Also, mom clucked like a chicken at the tour bus driver because he wasn't giving us enough time to get off. It made me laugh. Oh! I had my first In-N-Out burger tonight. I now understand why it is such a popular California cuisine. I ordered like a local (after pointing at different meals and saying Ooo, I want that. How do I order that)---animal fries. Readers remember, always order animal fries.

Craziest thing that happened today: A homeless man with his pants unzipped and rolled down sang a song to me and called me pretty. Of course, he then asked for money. Mom gave him two dollars which he took and then proceeded to pee on a bush.

For Advice on Life Please Consult Your Local Psychic (Miss Cleo)

All night I heard airplanes flying around outside my hotel window. I'm pretty certain they were putting on a flying concert just to interrupt my sleep. At the very least, Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer could have visited me in my dreams for the inconvenience. They didn't.

Mom and I took a tour of the Winchester Mystery House. Mrs. Winchester was nuts. After the untimely death of her husband (2nd President of Winchester Arms) and daughter, Mrs. Winchester consulted the local Boston psychic. This lady told Mrs. Winchester that she was being haunted by the ghosts of men/women who were killed by Winchester firearm products and that the only way to appease the spirits was to build a house and never stop. And, so, Mrs. Winchester did. For 38 years, construction workers were around-the-clock pounding nails and adding rooms to her house of fun. Gullible?

The house reminded me of a place that Willy Wonka would live in. Oompa Loompas would serve as staff and carpenters and Charlie as the favorite family member. It was completely odd and eccentric. It was a labyrinth of rooms and secret passageways to "trick the spirits." Seriously, it would take more than blood hounds to find her trail. There were doors that opened to concrete walls, staircases that led to the ceiling, cupboards with no depth, rooms that had one entrance and three exits. This lady was bizarre. And, her house was way cool. It contained 160 rooms, 10,000 windows, 950 doors, 47 fireplaces, 40 staircases, 13 bathrooms, 3 elevators, 2 basements, and 1 shower. Um, ONE shower? Good luck finding it.

California has the worst Mexican food. THE WORST. Parmigiana is the west coast Mexican cheese. Apparently it isn't just for pasta in fresh-mex land. It was atrocious and from here on out we'll stick to Taco Bell.

Mom and I got completely stressed and tense while driving downtown in San Francisco. There was a trolley driving right next to me and intense hills and crooked streets. Finally, we made it to McCormick and Kuleto at Ghiradelli Square where we met up with an old penpal of mine, Kyle. It was really surreal sitting across the table from a guy I met on a cruise when I was 15 years old and hadn't seen in person since. We were going to continue the evening (minus the adult) after the meal, but mom is scarred of driving in San Francisco alone and I'm scared of driving in San Francisco downtown without her. Plus, we were just plum tuckered out.

We ended our night with a game of travel Mah Jongg and a truffle. Would you believe me if I said I won?

(February 6)