8.7.12

I woke up Saturday morning to a singing voicemail from my parents: "99 degrees in Portland it is. 99 degrees it is. Katie come down.... & 99 degrees it is." It's barely morning and Portland is already breaking the 90s. Dear Lord, my bones are going to melt. So, Lauren, Tyrone, myself & 1/4 of Portland headed for the Sandy River for a day of tubing, PBR & 50 proof sunscreen. We borrowed a 3-seater raft, packed a cooler with beer and trailmix and set off for the river. The plan was to park a car at the beginning and the other car at the end, but unfortunately we mixed the two up and ended up parking both cars at the beginning. No problem! When we float the 12 miles to the bottom of the river we'll figure something out then. Hitchhike? Cab? Sounds like a plan. In my head, I was going to be floating the Comal River with a Stephanie Plum novel and a buzz. The reality was me paddling in the front, Lauren holding my book over her head while cursing at me for bringing a book and Tyrone guarding the cooler in the back. Apparently, for relaxing river floats you go to the Clackamas, to enjoy class 3 rapids you go to the Sandy. Since I brought my book, we were obviously not prepared to go white water rafting. For a while, we gave it a good go. I was paddling like a mad man and screaming at Lauren every time her arm started to droop, "Lauren. BOOK" while Tyrone was in the back paddling like a mad man, probably going in the opposite direction of me. In the end, we got a little stuck and had to abandon ship. Lauren and I played leap frog from rock to rock and dragged the raft along until we made it past the rapids. The whole time I was very cautious not to cut my leg or arm on a rock and babbled on about flesh eating bacteria that prey on open wounds. After 1/2 a mile and surviving the rapids we made it to calm water and literally just plopped for the rest of the afternoon. Next time, we'll conquer the Sandy...or maybe just go to the lazy Clackamas. And for the record, Stephanie Plum drowned. 

I take a body sculpt class at LA Fitness a couple times a week. I've sampled the different instructors and decided that innocent looking Lindsay is pure evil. She teaches Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings. Since I have that memorized, I avoid going to that class Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings. Yesterday I went to the gym, put on my workout clothes, took off my glasses and headed for Jessie's non-life-destroying body sculpt class. I got about 5 minutes into the class when I realized that Jessie was not instructing the class, but the princess of darkness herself was standing in.  I really need to get contacts. Had I been able to see my instructor I would have opted for cardio instead of spending an hour squatting, crunching & arm lifting in unison. For an hour I muttered under my breath obscenities and made a list of all the things I would rather be doing. For example: burning my favorite pair of shoes, being a contestant in the Hunger Games, or lopping my head off and using it as a punch bowl. Somehow I survived and since I waited until the locker room before I started sobbing I got to keep some dignity. I also now waddle when I walk.