My Name Is John Johnson But Everyone Here Calls Me Vicki

I hurt. Really. Really. Bad. Every muscle is numb and mad. The reason:

February 7
7:30 am: Woke up, yawned
8:00 am: More La Quinta breakfast.
9:00 am: Pier 33, coffee
10:00 am- 1:30 pm: Toured Alcatraz, once maximum security prison and location of movies such as The Rock, Escape From Alcatraz and So I Married An Axe Murderer. Since Alcatraz is located 1.4 miles off the coast of San Francisco, we took a ferry (swimming was not advisable).

"You are entitled to food, clothing, shelter, and medical attention. Anything else that you get is a privilege."

We listened to stories about the different escape attempts/"successes" by a park ranger. My favorite was John K. Giles, who managed to conjure up the complete outfit of an army sergeant and board a boat. This man never even got his feet wet. He just saluted and hopped on board...only to land on Angel Island (the boat was not headed for San Francisco) and be greeted by handcuffs. Sir, that was just not your day. Or the right boat.

1:30 pm- 2:15 pm: Ate THE BEST grilled cheese sandwich at Pier 39. I know what you're thinking, how can you be on a pier and not eat seafood?!? Well, the answer is simple, seafood is disgusting and sourdough grilled cheese is delicious. I do not regret my choice in food...mom may though.

2:15 pm- 5:00 pm: Walked around pier 39 and shopped. There were all these tourist and kitschy shops like the sock and magnet stores. And, our favorite, the hat store! Mom and I spent fifteen minutes trying on different crazy hats and making monster noises. RAWWRRRR! I found my dream earrings (Ben, Valentines Day gift?? I don't think it would be asking too much to request you to fork over $600.00. They're pretty and dangle!) and mom opted to buy herself a charm instead. Selfish, huh? We also rode on a carousel like we were six and I sang Mary Poppins to myself.

5:00 pm- 7:00 pm: Walked around Fisherman's Wharf and saw some pretty non-impressive Sea Lions. They have nothing on Elephant Seals. We also walked over to Ghirardelli Square and bought cupcakes.

7:00 pm- : Complete and utter exhaustion. Did you notice a pattern in our day? Sight seeing, sight seeing, standing, walking, not a lot of sitting. Mom wore me out.



February 8
We missed the continental breakfast, so instead we ate cupcakes. The breakfast of champions! Mom and I went back and forth: stay or not? We needed a flower. But, in the end, we realized that this decision was rather obvious. Duhhhh, of course we're staying another day in San Francisco!

We hopped on and hopped off the tour bus all day. First stop: Coit Tower for a panoramic shot of San Francisco and the pleasurable hike up. After this scenic picture, mom and I are now done with hills, mini-mountains. The both of us have no skill in reading maps (thankfully neither of us felt a calling for cartography) and ended up getting scrambled in which direction to walk in. So, we tried them all out. Finally, after walking circles we realized we weren't men and asked for directions. The finger was pointed, and we followed it. Up. And. Up. And. Up. Seriously, Aaron, this was almost as bad as our Cinque Terre stair master hike. At one point I was sure the tower was moving back just to be cruel. I shed layers of clothing and sweat drops were forming on my brow. Oh, but we made it! Now, was it worth it?

Second stop: China Town for a chance to buy tacky crap (I did) and visit the Fortune Cookie Factory. After catching a glimpse of where the majority of America's fortune cookies are made, mom and I have decided we might not eat them anymore. Pigeons flew in and out of the building and I paid 50 cents to pose with a lady who was making fortune cookies (and did not stop while she was being photographed). Now, I wonder, what would the reaction be if I happened to sneeze? My guess, the cookies would be packaged and sent to greasy Chinese restaurants around the nation.

Third stop: Golden Gate Bridge and photo opportunities. Mom and I posed and then started walking across the red bridge. Perhaps we did more of a slight walk. Or maybe just a few steps in. It was cold and raining.

I had the song "There She Goes" stuck in my head all day. Thank you Mike Myers and his axe murdering wife. Also, mom clucked like a chicken at the tour bus driver because he wasn't giving us enough time to get off. It made me laugh. Oh! I had my first In-N-Out burger tonight. I now understand why it is such a popular California cuisine. I ordered like a local (after pointing at different meals and saying Ooo, I want that. How do I order that)---animal fries. Readers remember, always order animal fries.

Craziest thing that happened today: A homeless man with his pants unzipped and rolled down sang a song to me and called me pretty. Of course, he then asked for money. Mom gave him two dollars which he took and then proceeded to pee on a bush.