V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Highlights:
- M is not a fan of Lompoc, a bar that brews their own beers and has a Tuesday drink special that Brian and Ben partake in weekly. She is a fan of Prost, a German bar that reminds me of Dallas. It's loud and sardine-like, but has the Spaten Optimator and offers the beer boot. There was also a group of people looking very authentic German in their Lederhosen and Dirndls.
- Jiffy Lube on Hawthorne has rude mechanics. And ruined our three birds with one stone scheme (explanation: Bird 1- need an oil change so papa bear will stop growling at me, Bird 2- it was located on Hawthorne street, the very street we were aching to frolic, Bird 3- have free, easy-to-find parking). We waited in the lobby for half an hour and watched Jerry Springer's "Is your mother fat and wearing too little clothing?" while Bowser was being worked on. I did not get to utilize the parking lot and had to fight Hawthorne for a parking spot.
- Elevated Coffee offers the smallest Chai Tea Latte. It's for the two-sip-drinkers.
- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a trifecta: Heath Ledger, Jude Law AND Johnny Depp. Or, if you're into Collin Farrel, a fourfecta?
- M bowled the highest scoring game of her life: 130. She doubled my score.
- Thai food goes great with The Simpsons. Also, M has now seen more than two episodes and might pursue a path of becoming a Simpsons aficionado. A high gravitas task.
- "Grilled Cheeses should always be eaten on a school bus." Also, Trivial Pursuit is the Portland game. You can find that game at any restaurant/bar in the area.
- "I'm glad I live in Dallas. I would go broke if I lived someplace cool." ---This is M's sentiment about Portland after browsing the fabric store and the comic book store. Did I say browsing?? Actually, I meant after buying out the house.
- Blend Coffee Lounge is our new favorite place. It is owned by this tiny woman who makes good coffee and plays Elliot Smith and Built to Spill all day long. I read Volume 10 of The Walking Dead while M drew a few Portland houses.
- Portland has the lowest rider. In the world. No joke, step right up ladies and gentleman. For $1.00 you can view the one and only, the lowest low rider!!
- I am not a fan of frog legs. However, Montage is a great restaurant. It's this cajun style place that has absurd waiter/resses that scream orders into the kitchen and wrap your left overs in tin foil. I received a sword, Ben got a hammer and Melinda got the flower (she requested a raccoon, so you can imagine the dissatisfaction). Michael was a little piggie and ate his entire meal. So no tin foil swan for him.
- I am a sad duck with Melinda not in Portland with me. Come back? Please??

Cocktails With the Mayor of Portland

Some recounted activities:

Friday: The date! It's contents: a bouquet of purple/white flowers, a facial shave (hopefully this doesn't need clarification, but the facial shave was by Ben), sweaters, Belly, a Gilmore Girl moment, PBR, $3.00 movie tickets, Michael Cera revolting, and a late-night headache.

Saturday: I picked Melinda up from the airport. Oh, a beautiful sight! I tried to impress her with my Portland road map knowledge, but alas after driving around lost for 45 minutes I got out Maria. She got us back on the right track. We celebrated her arrival to Portland by celebrating Dane's birthday with him and Ben. I got him an Ear-resistible (which actually was irresistible) Easter chocolate bunny and a Van Gogh pun birthday card. The group of us went to Vendetta and brought in the birthday and Portland arrival with a few beers.

Sunday: A big day for Ben. And his hair.
Before:


What do we think? We like! And, for those curious, he took the cut like a man. There was no blubbering or clinging to the last hopeful strands of hair. Also, the barber intimated that I was an unfair girlfriend for making him get the ole snippity snip. What?! No way! While Ben was hanging out at the gallows M and I walked around Alberta street and fell in love with the fabric store. I wish I was creative and since I'm not I'm buying material and commissioning my artistic friend (Melinda) to make me wallets & coats. The evening was filled with Tim Burton and Alice and 3D glasses. We look awesome in 3D glasses.


After:
Monday: Melinda and I spent the day walking. Yes, all day. And the clothing I chose for the day was ill-advised (note for future cold days: wear more layers). The remedy for my goosebumps and chattering teeth was a cheap, cheap pretty red coat. Melinda was introduced to Powell's and she "freaking loved it." In fact, so much that she mentioned a future proposal. Shockingly the entire afternoon/evening/next three days were not spent in this book store. The very same book store that a favorite author of mine said, "If heaven turns out to be something like Powell's, I wouldn't complain too much." We managed to get out in a two hour chunk of time and nine books between the two of us (which means our credit cards were feeling pretty okay). We got cocktails and sweet potato chips at JO; we had cocktails with the mayor of Portland, Sam Adams (who apparently is rather scandalous with 17 year old boys--he didn't talk about that to us though). Okay, by "had cocktails with the mayor of Portland" it was more like he was sitting at the bar with an olive drink about five feet away from us. Oh, and previous to finding out his identity Melinda was like, "Who is that guy? Everyone is waving and shaking his hand. Is he like the mayor or something?" HE WAS. I now have a gateway into Portland politics.

I'm Living With Beethoven

I had my first real job interview on Wednesday. At 10:00 am I was crammed in a room with 17 other people all fighting for the position to be a telemarketer for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. My job would be have been to call businesses and accuse them of having a "big heart" and sentence them to jail. If they agreed to these charges, one day in March, they would be picked up in a limo paddy wagon, fake handcuffed and brought to "jail" (aka the country club in Willamette) to face a judge. The bail would be set for $2,400 and after raising the required amount of money they would be released. So, my job would have been to call people to ask them to ostensibly become a telemarketer themselves for an hour while wearing an orange jumpsuit and raise money. Needless to say, I am not devastated that I was not hand picked for the job. The reason for being passed over: it's simple, really. I do not thrive in group interviews. Why? Well, because I am mousey. People become loud and vivacious in groups and my squeaky, timid voice just doesn't stand up against the enthusiasm and pointless interjections of others. Or perhaps it could have been when asked what my favorite color was I did not dazzle and shine by emphatically replying some obscure Crayola color. I did not respond with "Tiffany Blue" or "Tennis-Ball Green." Instead, I stuck to plain jane green. Yes, I like the color green. All shades and hues. Not specifically "Jade Green" or "Forest Green." Just green. However! I was awarded a few stars next to my name. Being prepared and doing research on the company counts for something. When asked, "What is Muscular Dystrophy?" Or, "How much does it cost to send one kid to summer camp?" And, "What are the five areas that the money our organization raises goes toward?" I spouted out the answers, albeit softly. I was the red-hot know-it-all. The dull, brainiac (maniac?) in the room.

Please, do not feel too sorry for me. Really, did you read the job description? Better things are to come...

I was hired by Boly:Welch, a prestigious and picky staffing agency. Yes, similar to the previously mentioned Campus Point, but better. Much better. This agency doesn't just accept anyone who turns in a resume. There is a vigorous interview process that includes phone, face-to face with two people and an assortment of computer knowledge tests/grammar tests/and typing tests. Apparently I can type 82 wpm and am proficient with excel (thank you Mr. Burns for the fifteen minute online tutorial) and word. In fact, according to Roxanne, the hiring manager, I am now her "new favorite" and she "loves me." So, hopefully with this boss boost I'll get some good jobs thrown my way. Now, what is my official job title? I am a temp! And it's perfect. Basically I will do day/week/month duration jobs for companies that need me. This work schedules allows me to sample different companies and work environments. I will have my first day of work over and over again. In fact, I can wear the same outfit over and over again too (probably won't though).

Other tidbits: BENTLY URINATED ON MY BOOTS. Yes, that cute Beagle hiked up his hind leg and released his bladder all over my beautiful, leather boots. I am now planning a doggie homicide. The slobbering, reprobate has got to go! A list of Bently's crimes to date: Spreading my garbage throughout my room, habitually; urinating on: MY BOOTS, my jacket (which Tinga was wrongly accused) and my sweater; devouring a Snickers bar on my bed (the chocolate remnants are smeared into my sheets); and hogging the couch. Now what should my method be? Poison chew bone? Bobcat disguised as a house cat?? Bring home a bigger & meaner pup to beat him up?

Better news: Melinda's flight gets in tomorrow!! Starting tomorrow I get a whole week with my best friend! And I think all day today I have had Annie stuck in my head. And some Queen. And, embarrassingly so, my own made up song that basically just repeats the words "Melinda's comin'" with a dance combination thrown in.

A Day In the Life

A typical day in my shoes:
- 6:30 am wake-up phone call from papa bear: GOOOOOD MOOOORRRRNNNIINNNNN POOORTLAND! Occasionally mom will pipe in with a drowsy, half-awake "good morning." I have gotten in the habit of answering the phone with "daddy, sleepy. I love you tired." Or other incoherent babbling and synonyms for the word "asleep."
- 9:30 am, yawn/stretch and kick start my day with food. Breakfast usually consists of Honey Nut Cheerios, a bagel with Sundried Tomato cream cheese or peanut butter cheese crackers. Tinga gets breakfast too.
- 10:00 am I am greeted by two yapping Chihuahuas, OG and Mono. This will only be a temporary fixture in my day. These little barkers now get breakfast. So, I'm guessing by 10:00 am all of Portland has been fed. To explain the little pup ruffs, they belong to Lizzy, Ben's friend/my friend?, who is currently drinking a Tequila Sunrise on a beach in Hawaii and trying to tan. I'm jealous, but I guess house sitting isn't too far away from a Hawaiian vacation. Yes, I'm aware that it is in fact not even close, but at least I'm getting out of my house.
- 10:00 am- 1:00 pm is online job shopping time. This is easily the most stressful, long-winded part of my day. It is laborious and I'm beginning to think tautological. Really, no one is taking the bait. No one is wanting to hire me. A list of companies that now have my resume (in no particular order): Netflix, Energy Trust, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble, Powells, Craiglist Adsx9 and Albina Public Library.
- 1:00 - 5:00 pm I am a gadabout. I usually spend this time roaming Portland and running errands. My end spot is a coffee shop where I read/write letters. My favorite, thus far, is Albina Press.
- The Evening: This past week Ben and I have gotten in the habit of making dinner at his place. Usually his roommate, Dane, joins us for dinner and a movie. The menu has consisted of: Chicken Parisienne, Spaghetti and Meatballs, Easy Pizza Soup and Grilled Cheeses, and Hungarian Goulash. We're eating like royalty, except no dinner maids or chefs. So far the spaghetti and meatballs has been crowned the best (probably because of pop's meatball recipe) and the last Thursday of every month is now Meatball day at Ben's house.
- 11:30 pm I am in my pajamas and reading in my bed. Fall asleep.

Wake up and repeat!

The Cleanest Shower in Portland

Like I promised, here are some pictures:

Picture 1: Ben has become quite the handy man. Tool man. Tim Taylor, perhaps? So far he has: Constructed my book shelf, put together my bed frame, set up my tv/dvd/wii, screwed in my elephant door hanger, hung up my dream catcher, cleaned up my computer's hard drive, and will be hanging up my curtains as soon as I purchase screws. All of that and I haven't had to pay a dime! Also, Tinga enjoys harassing him while he's hard at work. She likes him feeling subservient.

Picture 2: My bed. Mom and I bought this bed in Janzen Beach. There were three mattress stores side by side in the strip mall. It made it almost too easy to negotiate cheaper terms with additional bonuses thrown in. For example: bed frame, free (a savings of $75.00). Another example: "Well, I think we're going to check out the competition." "Wait,I'll knock $100 off the price." I bought a burnt orange bed spread, mostly because it's Melinda's favorite color. Also because it reminds me of Rockwall (however, I will not paint yellowjackets on the wall). I haven't really gotten around to decorating my wall, so that side looks a little bare. So maybe I should paint yellowjackets.

Picture 3: The more cluttered side of my room. Featuring: Vintage store dresser, picture of my parents from the 80s, fake flowers, Shy Man Lamp (Aaron, he is finally! in an acceptable spot), the "little bitty" TV, Tinga's food bowl, and my Ikea bookshelf.

Picture 4: Melinda gave me this for Christmas. In one gift she managed to combine two of my favorite things: elephants and coats. With my limited travel space, most of my coats were packed away and are currently resting in my grandparent's trailer. The coats pictured made the cut, obviously. However, one coat is missing. Mr. Pea Coat. And why?? Well, because while I was in the process of unpacking, that coat was more than likely laying on the ground. And Tinga, I'm assuming out of spite, decided it was better than her litter box and urinated on it. The cleaners on Killingsworth have temporary possession.

Pictures 5 and 6:
My kitchen and living room. Everything you see in both rooms does not belong to me (besides one magnet on the fridge and a tea strainer sitting on the kitchen counter). I also spend very little time in either room. For most of my cooking needs I use Ben's kitchen. His roommates help eat my food and they have a working oven. Not to mention better cooking utensils and more space. The living room is usually only inhabited in the evenings to watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Shimeon, I think I've been spelling his name 'Shemeon' this whole time) or playing video games (Adam). There is a fire place and a couple of times one of the boys will put some logs in and start a fire. That's nice.

Pictures 7 and 8:
Before & After pictures of my shower. Before- This was quite possibly the grossest shower in all of Portland. As you can see, Bentley enjoyed the use of the shower as well. Basically, I did not shower. I would be smelly and gross or quick clean myself using my bathroom sink. In dire situations, I would stand in a 6x6 inch space and not move. If by some unfortunate chance I lost my balance, I would rub the designated skin area raw. After- This shower is now quite possibly the cleanest in all of Portland. This is the product of: Clorox wipes, Comet, rubber gloves, and a little grease behind the elbow cleaning. Please, tell me you're impressed.

Picture 9:
Adam and Bentley. Roommate and dog (respectively). Adam is 22 and Bentley is 5. Adam likes to skateboard and Bentley likes to sleep on the couch. Adam calls Tinga a "sleep harasser" and Bentley calls her "bark" (I can't decipher what that exactly means). Adam is pretty cool and Bentley is too. Adam is not better than my old roommate, Erin. Bentley is way better than my old roommate's cat, Izzy.

The Yanks are Coming!!

Q. How was the mix party?
A. I started the evening off with cold sweats and Pizza A-Go-Go with Ben. After our dinner we went to Bryan and Lizzy's where I sat nervously on the couch and clung to her Chiwawa who also seemed a little rattled by the number of new bodies sharing her house. After about ten minutes I took my coat off and found myself smiling and eating the most delicious peanut butter sandwich. Seriously, ever. Papa bear, you need to eat these. I promise they would be quite palatable and would never give you nightmares. So, basically for the evening the group of us listened to the mixes on random and danced and mingled. A coffee and word puzzles date was planned, along with an Alfred Hitchcock starring Cary Grant movie night.
My first Portland outing rated: Success.

Q. Did you really laugh at Ben's roommate Saturday night?
A. Yes, yes I did. But in a good way! Let me explain. And may I say, at least I wasn't laughing at his outfit like a certain someone (BEN, ahem) did to me earlier that day. Saturday was spent watching tv shows and playing video games, followed by my attempt at being domestic and baking chicken and ending with me in a comedy club drinking a fruity cocktail and laughing at Tynan (Ben's roommate) who was on stage doing improvisation. After having a good chortle we went out to a dive bar that looked like a boat's library. There were old, musky smelling books on the shelves and a collection of boat themed bibelots scattered around. The bartender wore a captain's hat.

Q. How do you feel about the movie The Professional?
A. I had roommate bonding night which was dinner and a movie. The dinner: Adam's job. The movie: My job. Getting free food & entertainment: Shemeon's job. Adam made this cracker breaded chicken with muenster cheese. It could have been good if it was tweaked in just two ways:
1. Change that dark meat chicken to white. Perhaps a breast?
2. Provolone I hear is a much tastier cheese than Muenster.
Ungrateful? Probably, but really dinner was awful. Not only was I unsure if the meat was cooked (my skepticism was caused by the fact that our oven is not in tip-top shape. Meaning that fully thawed chicken, cooking on 500 degrees took 1.5 hours to bake), but really the meal was a combination of two foods I can't quite stomach--muenster cheese and dark meat. So, I took the advice of all six year olds: played with my food hoping that this rouge of cutting and scraping gave the appearance I was in fact eating. And for the movie you can't really go wrong with a 14 year old Natalie Portman and blood & guts.

Q. I hear you can find fairly inexpensive plane tickets from DFW to PDX. Is that true?
A. MELINDA IS COMING! MELINDA IS COMING!! Did you guys get that: MELINDA IS COMING! Soon, March 6-13, my bf will be visiting me on her less than pocket-breaking plane ticket, non-stop flight! I'm squealing and planning activities.

Pictures of my house/room/mates/pets soon. I promise.

Louis, I Think This Is the Beginning of a Beautiful Friendship

I'm attending a mix party tonight; the Sad Bastards Mix Tape Party. Right now I feel like Rob from High Fidelity. I would also like to add that this will be my first initiation into Portland. I mean, my first time to be around other people. And I'm not going to lie, I'm terrified. Seriously, the prospect of making friends seems so tiring and I'm slightly out of practice. I feel like I'm going to act like a buffoon and come off too "be my friend, be my friend, BE MY FRIEND." And I'm kind of picturing myself as a homeless lady with a can asking for pennies. Same thing, right? Friends, pennies. Perhaps I could offer a penny for my friendship. Maybe a quarter, I'm not that cheap.

Today I had a group interview with Campuspoint which is an organization that helps current students and recent graduates find jobs. No, they are not a temp agency or a head hunter. Yes, they do charge, but the company. I was smart, and just for you papa bear I read all the documents thoroughly. So, at noon today I was upstairs, sitting in a chair wearing a skirt and a bow (and sad to say, fishnets---dad, you did not stop that clothing blunder early enough) and rambling. Yes, yes it was awful. I'm almost positive on my resume in large red lettering are the words DO NOT HIRE. And for empahtics sake, there was probably some exclamation points and underlines. Explanation? Well, two of my responses seem to stick out. The first, when asked the question what are characteristics I look for in a boss? I decided it was appropriate to reply, "One that wants to hire me and finds me desirable." I'm only thankful I stopped there and did not feel it necessary to elaborate on the word 'desirable' and the connotations it couple imply. Second mistake: Question, "If you could do anything in the world, what would it be?" My response, "Well, I think I would like to own a book store. Probably used. But maybe sell new books as well"......there was something about debating the perks of making it corporate.....and then, "Oh, wait. Maybe I would like to be an author." I also felt it important they know I was not interested in writing at a newspaper because newsprint was dying. Thank you internet. Sighhhh. I don't even think you could call that charming. I think I need interviewing practice.

Last night Ben took me on a Casablanca date. We went to the Living Room Theater in downtown Portland and watched Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman on the big screen while eating popcorn. I think I'm in love with that movie. And maybe Humphrey Bogart.

I'm homesick.