Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

Attention readers, I have an announcement (s):

1. Bentley has been on the war path. He's a regular Geronimo; only missing the war paint and feathers. But luckily, I am a greedy American here to claim my territory! Bentley will no longer be marking my room/furniture/clothes because I have the secret weapon: the doggie gate. This will assure me an instant victory!

2. I will be rekindling with howdy, cowboy land! I have official dates for my Texas visit: April 29th-May 10th! Someone (me, me!) is really excited. And that same someone (me, me!) has been dancing and grinning like a Cheshire Cat all afternoon. And eating bunny sweet tarts (thanks to the Happy-Easter package from my mommy). Anyways, I will have 12 splendid days to spend in the sweet, sweet land of Dallas, Texas.

3. According to Ben I am a chronic student. And maybe he's right. I am planning on enrolling in community college this summer and taking a couple of basic courses. I am contemplating going back to undergrad for my BS degree. I am strongly considering getting a degree in engineering. I gotta follow in my daddy's footsteps! Keep with the family business! Make the folks proud of me!

4. Within the week I will have my very own internet! For the entirety of the time I've been in Portland we have been borrowing the connection from our oblivious neighbor, Alligator. But, Alligator has submerged. Caught a prey and taken it down to the bottom of the lake and leaving me internet-less. I've been a frequent visitor at the different coffee shops around the NE. I pay a dollar for a cup of coffee and in return use their internet for four hours. Fair deal?! Definitely...except I did get a couple of mean looks when I watched Gossip Girl online :/ In any case, as soon as I can talk Comcast out of a $100 installation fee, I will finally be a proud owner of my own internet. Hopefully it sparkles.

5. Tonight is $5.00 unlimited play at Ground Kontrol. Pinball, you're going down! Get those flippers ready for me!

Whistle While You Work

Halff Associates, you can no longer claim to have the worst coffee and draftiest office. No sir, you have been booted from that throne. I'm doing temp work in this warehouse by the waterfront. When I arrived this morning it was on the verge of looking abandoned and to enter the office I followed signs leading me down a dark corridor with flickering lights. It felt like a video game and I really thought Lickers were going to crawl down from the ceiling. Fortunately, I'm alive to write another post! My introduction to the office was, "Here's the break room, make the coffee. And that black binder on top of the desk should tell you everything else you need to know." Thank you Opus Creative for the warm and thorough initiation! I would like to point out that in the black binder was not everything else I needed to know. In fact, in that black binder was very little of what I would have liked to have known (btw, I have been staring at this sentence for a good while now trying to decide if it is written grammatically correct). For example, transfering phone calls I would consider useful enough to make a page in the black binder. Opus, however, disagrees.

Yesterday I had an interview at the Vancouver USA Regional Tourism Office. The lady that interviewed me kept talking about Vancouver, Washington's identity crisis and I in turn wondered why Vancouver would even bother having a tourism office. How can you promote tourism for a town that offers an old fort, Cinetopia and a short drive to Portland?! "Come to Vancouver folks! It's better than Canada!" Honestly though, the job description sounds great, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm fairly lacking in qualifications.

Portland Monthly consistently demands their readers to eat at Pine State Biscuits, and yesterday, as a reward for waking up before 8 am, I finally obeyed. Dane and I went to this tiny little biscuit restaurant in the SE and waited in line for our breakfast of biscuits (actually, to be more correct for you mom, it was our lunch). Worth the wait?? Just look at that picture and you've got the answer. The rest of the afternoon was spent with Dane and reading Coin Locker Babies at Blend. The evening was spent watching the Dallas Mavericks battle against the Portland Blazers. For those curious, my heart was not at all torn; Dallas Mavericks for life. Unfortunately though, the blue jerseys lost the game.

Adding on to the House

The harmony of our house is crumbling and being replaced with petty actions. Not by me, of course. Here's the scoop: I live with two boys and an additional male is being added to the 4526 NE Garfield Ave household. Well, possibly. Where will he sleep? Good question! In an alcove downstairs. Adam wants to ease some of his financial burdens and his solution was by bringing in a fourth roommate. Shimeon is less than pleased. Quite a bit, actually. And yours truly is ambivalent. However, I am starting to be overwhelmed by the amount of testosterone living under one roof. Not to say that either of my roommates are the classic example of an alpha male, but some chick flicks and nail polish would be a nice change from the Chappelle Show and skateboard magazines. In any case, for the past week Adam and Shimeon have been battling it out. Shimeon's main complaint is that he doesn't want to be woken up in the morning. I know that sounds trivial, but really that is a legitimate concern. The walls in our house are paper thin and everyone hears every little sound (Modest Mouse has it right). Especially in the mornings. And since Shimeon has put his foot down, Adam has as well. Except physically and in the mornings around 6:45 AM. Really, he is now going out of his way to make sure that he wakes up Shimeon and by extension, me. So, will Shimeon cave and let a fourth roommate move into the space outside his bedroom. Stay tuned...

Yesterday, I asked out a girl. Did your jaw hit the floor? Well, I did. Lizzy invited me to go shopping with her and while shuffling through jeans I met a girl at Nordstroms. Sure, sure she was assisting me and probably only being nice because she wanted the commission, but she was amicable and I decided that I liked her. So, I stalked her around the store, feeling more than slightly pathetic, and then I did it. I asked for her phone number. I now feel like a man. But maybe, friend?!! I can only hope she is aware this is platonic and I wasn't actually asking her out on a date.

Also, I don't think I ever mentioned that for a week we had double the Vaughns in Portland. Ben's brother, Michael, came into town. It is advisable to spend your Spring Break up in the glorious NW. Him and Melinda both fully agree on this. Here is a list of some things on his to-do list:
-Coffee shops! Michael was told to visit: 1) Stumptown, 2) Albina Press and 3) Barista. I was introduced to the one shot latte
- Ground Kontrol for arcade games and pinball
- FIFA, many soccer matches were played. There was a Dane vs Michael show down.
- Magic tricks. Michael has the skill of legerdemain down and I was quite impressed. Seriously, I was an eight year old with big eyes and an open mouth.
- Powells, of course. Michael spent two full days in this book mecca.
- Basketball games, both Dallas Mavericks and Portland Blazers.

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Highlights:
- M is not a fan of Lompoc, a bar that brews their own beers and has a Tuesday drink special that Brian and Ben partake in weekly. She is a fan of Prost, a German bar that reminds me of Dallas. It's loud and sardine-like, but has the Spaten Optimator and offers the beer boot. There was also a group of people looking very authentic German in their Lederhosen and Dirndls.
- Jiffy Lube on Hawthorne has rude mechanics. And ruined our three birds with one stone scheme (explanation: Bird 1- need an oil change so papa bear will stop growling at me, Bird 2- it was located on Hawthorne street, the very street we were aching to frolic, Bird 3- have free, easy-to-find parking). We waited in the lobby for half an hour and watched Jerry Springer's "Is your mother fat and wearing too little clothing?" while Bowser was being worked on. I did not get to utilize the parking lot and had to fight Hawthorne for a parking spot.
- Elevated Coffee offers the smallest Chai Tea Latte. It's for the two-sip-drinkers.
- The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a trifecta: Heath Ledger, Jude Law AND Johnny Depp. Or, if you're into Collin Farrel, a fourfecta?
- M bowled the highest scoring game of her life: 130. She doubled my score.
- Thai food goes great with The Simpsons. Also, M has now seen more than two episodes and might pursue a path of becoming a Simpsons aficionado. A high gravitas task.
- "Grilled Cheeses should always be eaten on a school bus." Also, Trivial Pursuit is the Portland game. You can find that game at any restaurant/bar in the area.
- "I'm glad I live in Dallas. I would go broke if I lived someplace cool." ---This is M's sentiment about Portland after browsing the fabric store and the comic book store. Did I say browsing?? Actually, I meant after buying out the house.
- Blend Coffee Lounge is our new favorite place. It is owned by this tiny woman who makes good coffee and plays Elliot Smith and Built to Spill all day long. I read Volume 10 of The Walking Dead while M drew a few Portland houses.
- Portland has the lowest rider. In the world. No joke, step right up ladies and gentleman. For $1.00 you can view the one and only, the lowest low rider!!
- I am not a fan of frog legs. However, Montage is a great restaurant. It's this cajun style place that has absurd waiter/resses that scream orders into the kitchen and wrap your left overs in tin foil. I received a sword, Ben got a hammer and Melinda got the flower (she requested a raccoon, so you can imagine the dissatisfaction). Michael was a little piggie and ate his entire meal. So no tin foil swan for him.
- I am a sad duck with Melinda not in Portland with me. Come back? Please??

Cocktails With the Mayor of Portland

Some recounted activities:

Friday: The date! It's contents: a bouquet of purple/white flowers, a facial shave (hopefully this doesn't need clarification, but the facial shave was by Ben), sweaters, Belly, a Gilmore Girl moment, PBR, $3.00 movie tickets, Michael Cera revolting, and a late-night headache.

Saturday: I picked Melinda up from the airport. Oh, a beautiful sight! I tried to impress her with my Portland road map knowledge, but alas after driving around lost for 45 minutes I got out Maria. She got us back on the right track. We celebrated her arrival to Portland by celebrating Dane's birthday with him and Ben. I got him an Ear-resistible (which actually was irresistible) Easter chocolate bunny and a Van Gogh pun birthday card. The group of us went to Vendetta and brought in the birthday and Portland arrival with a few beers.

Sunday: A big day for Ben. And his hair.
Before:


What do we think? We like! And, for those curious, he took the cut like a man. There was no blubbering or clinging to the last hopeful strands of hair. Also, the barber intimated that I was an unfair girlfriend for making him get the ole snippity snip. What?! No way! While Ben was hanging out at the gallows M and I walked around Alberta street and fell in love with the fabric store. I wish I was creative and since I'm not I'm buying material and commissioning my artistic friend (Melinda) to make me wallets & coats. The evening was filled with Tim Burton and Alice and 3D glasses. We look awesome in 3D glasses.


After:
Monday: Melinda and I spent the day walking. Yes, all day. And the clothing I chose for the day was ill-advised (note for future cold days: wear more layers). The remedy for my goosebumps and chattering teeth was a cheap, cheap pretty red coat. Melinda was introduced to Powell's and she "freaking loved it." In fact, so much that she mentioned a future proposal. Shockingly the entire afternoon/evening/next three days were not spent in this book store. The very same book store that a favorite author of mine said, "If heaven turns out to be something like Powell's, I wouldn't complain too much." We managed to get out in a two hour chunk of time and nine books between the two of us (which means our credit cards were feeling pretty okay). We got cocktails and sweet potato chips at JO; we had cocktails with the mayor of Portland, Sam Adams (who apparently is rather scandalous with 17 year old boys--he didn't talk about that to us though). Okay, by "had cocktails with the mayor of Portland" it was more like he was sitting at the bar with an olive drink about five feet away from us. Oh, and previous to finding out his identity Melinda was like, "Who is that guy? Everyone is waving and shaking his hand. Is he like the mayor or something?" HE WAS. I now have a gateway into Portland politics.

I'm Living With Beethoven

I had my first real job interview on Wednesday. At 10:00 am I was crammed in a room with 17 other people all fighting for the position to be a telemarketer for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. My job would be have been to call businesses and accuse them of having a "big heart" and sentence them to jail. If they agreed to these charges, one day in March, they would be picked up in a limo paddy wagon, fake handcuffed and brought to "jail" (aka the country club in Willamette) to face a judge. The bail would be set for $2,400 and after raising the required amount of money they would be released. So, my job would have been to call people to ask them to ostensibly become a telemarketer themselves for an hour while wearing an orange jumpsuit and raise money. Needless to say, I am not devastated that I was not hand picked for the job. The reason for being passed over: it's simple, really. I do not thrive in group interviews. Why? Well, because I am mousey. People become loud and vivacious in groups and my squeaky, timid voice just doesn't stand up against the enthusiasm and pointless interjections of others. Or perhaps it could have been when asked what my favorite color was I did not dazzle and shine by emphatically replying some obscure Crayola color. I did not respond with "Tiffany Blue" or "Tennis-Ball Green." Instead, I stuck to plain jane green. Yes, I like the color green. All shades and hues. Not specifically "Jade Green" or "Forest Green." Just green. However! I was awarded a few stars next to my name. Being prepared and doing research on the company counts for something. When asked, "What is Muscular Dystrophy?" Or, "How much does it cost to send one kid to summer camp?" And, "What are the five areas that the money our organization raises goes toward?" I spouted out the answers, albeit softly. I was the red-hot know-it-all. The dull, brainiac (maniac?) in the room.

Please, do not feel too sorry for me. Really, did you read the job description? Better things are to come...

I was hired by Boly:Welch, a prestigious and picky staffing agency. Yes, similar to the previously mentioned Campus Point, but better. Much better. This agency doesn't just accept anyone who turns in a resume. There is a vigorous interview process that includes phone, face-to face with two people and an assortment of computer knowledge tests/grammar tests/and typing tests. Apparently I can type 82 wpm and am proficient with excel (thank you Mr. Burns for the fifteen minute online tutorial) and word. In fact, according to Roxanne, the hiring manager, I am now her "new favorite" and she "loves me." So, hopefully with this boss boost I'll get some good jobs thrown my way. Now, what is my official job title? I am a temp! And it's perfect. Basically I will do day/week/month duration jobs for companies that need me. This work schedules allows me to sample different companies and work environments. I will have my first day of work over and over again. In fact, I can wear the same outfit over and over again too (probably won't though).

Other tidbits: BENTLY URINATED ON MY BOOTS. Yes, that cute Beagle hiked up his hind leg and released his bladder all over my beautiful, leather boots. I am now planning a doggie homicide. The slobbering, reprobate has got to go! A list of Bently's crimes to date: Spreading my garbage throughout my room, habitually; urinating on: MY BOOTS, my jacket (which Tinga was wrongly accused) and my sweater; devouring a Snickers bar on my bed (the chocolate remnants are smeared into my sheets); and hogging the couch. Now what should my method be? Poison chew bone? Bobcat disguised as a house cat?? Bring home a bigger & meaner pup to beat him up?

Better news: Melinda's flight gets in tomorrow!! Starting tomorrow I get a whole week with my best friend! And I think all day today I have had Annie stuck in my head. And some Queen. And, embarrassingly so, my own made up song that basically just repeats the words "Melinda's comin'" with a dance combination thrown in.

A Day In the Life

A typical day in my shoes:
- 6:30 am wake-up phone call from papa bear: GOOOOOD MOOOORRRRNNNIINNNNN POOORTLAND! Occasionally mom will pipe in with a drowsy, half-awake "good morning." I have gotten in the habit of answering the phone with "daddy, sleepy. I love you tired." Or other incoherent babbling and synonyms for the word "asleep."
- 9:30 am, yawn/stretch and kick start my day with food. Breakfast usually consists of Honey Nut Cheerios, a bagel with Sundried Tomato cream cheese or peanut butter cheese crackers. Tinga gets breakfast too.
- 10:00 am I am greeted by two yapping Chihuahuas, OG and Mono. This will only be a temporary fixture in my day. These little barkers now get breakfast. So, I'm guessing by 10:00 am all of Portland has been fed. To explain the little pup ruffs, they belong to Lizzy, Ben's friend/my friend?, who is currently drinking a Tequila Sunrise on a beach in Hawaii and trying to tan. I'm jealous, but I guess house sitting isn't too far away from a Hawaiian vacation. Yes, I'm aware that it is in fact not even close, but at least I'm getting out of my house.
- 10:00 am- 1:00 pm is online job shopping time. This is easily the most stressful, long-winded part of my day. It is laborious and I'm beginning to think tautological. Really, no one is taking the bait. No one is wanting to hire me. A list of companies that now have my resume (in no particular order): Netflix, Energy Trust, Whole Foods, Barnes & Noble, Powells, Craiglist Adsx9 and Albina Public Library.
- 1:00 - 5:00 pm I am a gadabout. I usually spend this time roaming Portland and running errands. My end spot is a coffee shop where I read/write letters. My favorite, thus far, is Albina Press.
- The Evening: This past week Ben and I have gotten in the habit of making dinner at his place. Usually his roommate, Dane, joins us for dinner and a movie. The menu has consisted of: Chicken Parisienne, Spaghetti and Meatballs, Easy Pizza Soup and Grilled Cheeses, and Hungarian Goulash. We're eating like royalty, except no dinner maids or chefs. So far the spaghetti and meatballs has been crowned the best (probably because of pop's meatball recipe) and the last Thursday of every month is now Meatball day at Ben's house.
- 11:30 pm I am in my pajamas and reading in my bed. Fall asleep.

Wake up and repeat!